I think we give gifts to people we love because we want to show them affection, we want to show them that they are important to us. We live in a material world (not judgment) it’s a truth that “things” bring fleeting joy and create all sorts of wonderful emotions, memories and opportunities for us, but I believe what we are usually most grateful for though, is not so much the gift , but the feeling that is created when somebody thinks enough about us, to give to us, so that we receive joy.
I watch in life as couples struggle to love each other in peace, they care so deeply for each other and therefore are just as able to hurt each other as deeply, then often share gifts to reconcile or to somehow “show” that affection they are struggling to communicate through words. When really all that both are truly starving for is understanding and acknowledgement on the deepest level of who they really are, at the heart of who they are. Being in a romantic relationship with somebody, leaves us open to vulnerability. We feel vulnerable when we love somebody because we open our hearts to them . We open our hearts and show how important another is to us, we feel a risk within this action because we decide that it could lead to pain, we panic and choose to focus on the fear of acceptance or the lack of it, we choose to focus on the fear of judgement or practice of it. We finger point in blame, play who did what, who said what. We dance around in a pattern of fear that keeps us from truly experiencing the other person, from appreciating them, understanding, valuing and believing in them.
What might come if we choose presence instead of presents? I believe that presence is the most important gift we can give to somebody that we love, it trumps everything! I actually know very little about the “scholastics” of relationships. I have lived them and that is all I really know. However, I have suffered with preoccupation. I have suffered with insecurity, and bewilderment, blame and anger. I have suffered so many emotions at so many levels and that is why I know what I know. Through experience we foster valuable insight, we educate ourselves as we move forward into our lives. If we choose not too, then suffering sticks to us and we stagnate. Personally, I am not a fan of stagnation. I have a passion for life and people. I love to see people in love and laughing. Celebrating each other and sharing a life of wonder together. I think we can all have this kind of relationship if we choose presence. All it takes is courage, dedication and love!
When we are present we hear in a new way, we see in clear sight and we feel the energy between what is being communicated and how we are reacting to it. If we sit in a state of true listening, we can hear beyond the words that are spoken and feel what we need to in order to blend harmony and peace within our connection. A strength will grow both within us individually and also within the collective energy of the relationship. It will be waiting for you , each time you choose to be present.
I think its as close to real magic as I will ever get to it. When you are both totally present, nothing can touch you, you are solid and fluid all at once.