courage burger with the lot, hold the insecurity sauce!

Imagine this, a trip into somebody else’s mind! Imagine what impact this experience could have on your life, your love, your future.

How many times have you said, I wish you could understand what I am saying. When what you actually meant was, I wish you could get inside my mind and feel what I am going through. What you are saying, is that you are feeling so misunderstood that you desperately want a magic wand for her/him to just be you!  So that they could totally “get it”, without any preconceived notions of their own, simply pure, other persons brain time.

What if instead, we decided, to be them? To put ourselves into their minds? Understand how they are feeling? Wouldn’t it be true that they are just as likely feeling the same way? That they are at some level struggling with their own mountains. As a partner for life, wouldn’t it be great if we could honour that energy of commitment and partnership. I guess we all have our own opinions of what being a partner means, then we attempt to live out that ideal. I guess that’s probably a good time to add, that maybe that’s where we are struggling the most in  western culture. Choosing a partner based on similar values and morals, should make the journey a much more harmonious experience. Someone who supports unconditionally and compassionately, who is not always singing the same song, but never forgets that humming is acceptable too.

In my own mind, I am painfully aware of how people are currently struggling within relationships. The number of relationships ending in divorce seems overwhelming to me. It’s not that I disagree with divorce. I believe in love and that’s it. If a relationship for some reason is not loving, then to me, it’s not really a relationship. The thing is, what I honestly believe is that every single one of us, deserves to be loved and cherished for who we are. Every one of us, wants to feel loved unconditionally, I think that’s the driving force of our energy. I think the only thing that gets in the way, is fear. We fear opening up because that leaves us vulnerable, it leaves us stripped bare, raw for the taking, for the beating, the tormenting, the shame, the disappointment, the rejection, the abandonment. If we allow ourselves to truly give unconditional love, we open the front door to every insecurity our souls have ever known. As soon as that treasured choice (the partner we choose) begins to impact on just one of our insecurities, things change. Walls go up, games start, blame, denial, dishonesty and disillusionment begin to live and grow on the inside.

Maybe that’s when the wishing starts, maybe that’s when people start aching for the other to change, for the other to understand, to believe that this connection is worth it, valuable and true. Or perhaps that’s where the ego starts suffering and tormenting our hearts and minds with cracks in our confidence. Could it be that we are searching for another to fulfil our own need for self-approval and if this is the case, how can this ever be?. Considering that self-worth is internal, nothing external has any power over it without first applying internal permission. If we consider the first theory connected to making wishes for the other to change, then we might say that this behaviour was brought about based on a lack of acceptance, appreciation and understanding, but what if that desire for the other to understand you became a desire for you to understand them. What if you took a deep look within and challenged yourself to real courage, to conquer your own mountains instead of trying to climb theirs, you could just accept theirs. Understand that this person was a choice that you made based on love, based on your souls desire to nurture and be nurtured by this one person.

Having said this. I should point out, that if you joined together based on desire alone, on physical attraction only, or because a selfish part of you fell in love with how they made you feel, (there might have been other reasons that don’t have anything to do with love). In that case, this message is clearly not for you. Unless, there has been a true falling into love with that person since, common sense screams the obvious, relationships formed this way, will not usually stand for long.

It’s an interesting idea that we fall in love with somebody based on how they make us feel. I think this happens a lot, I think it happens fast and can be really damaging to the self. I think that honestly falling in love somebody requires knowledge of that person, an understanding of who they are, what they think and feel and know, and do based on everything that they believe. When we begin to fall in love, we daydream about each other, we wonder what the other person might be doing or thinking,  we smile, laugh and reminisce about things said or done. It’s intoxicating because we focus on a warm gentle energy that is that person. We treasure the insight that they bring into our own lives, the tiny gifts of pleasure through intimacy and respect. The deep appreciation and acknowledgement that comes with unconditional love takes that relationship to the next level. Despite anything that other person does, says or is. Unconditional love just is. It transcends fear. Fear cannot touch it.

So, I take a decent breathe in, because this to me, is the big stuff. It’s what really matters and I do believe that we all have the ability to go to that very scary and vulnerable place, the place you are laughed at by others, because he/she gives you reason to sing your own song to the world, even if they choose to hum, your love for each other will keep you in tune.

 

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Perception, being gentle and somebody elses shoes!

What you focus on is what you live. I am a big believer in that. You live what you think. So be gentle with your thinking.

While your at it (all this being gentle with yourself), you might feel inspired to encourage others to think gentle too. To live gentle, be gentle and share gentle. To focus on the uplifting in life, the empowering and motivating aspects of existing. To focus on the strength in being real and believing in people. In choosing compassion over judgement and understanding over conflict.

I saw a little quote one day, I have seen numerous people being credited for it, I think it was His Holiness , the Dalai Lama that said it, but I could be wrong. I love it, it is this ; “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”

We all have a desire at some level to help people, to contribute in a meaningful way. I honestly believe that is our true nature, its a deep calling that exists within all of us. If you disagree, then I challenge you to take a few hours of your day and help somebody. Seriously, just choose a day, even if you can only spare 1 hour, go somewhere very public where there are loads of people and serve them. Hold doors open, carry groceries, fill parking machines, share laughter. Be a witness to your shifting focus and know that this energy is always available to you. We experience moments everyday, where we can forgive, assist, share and gift another with kindness.

I have had the privilege of meeting some amazing people and I am blessed with great friends and family that are cherished by many. It’s interesting, that we connect with others and choose our own stories about who they are, based on how they talk, live, stand and communicate. We presume we know something about somebody, that we think we understand somebody or we feel similar for some reason. All of this based on our own perception of another persons momentary behaviour. I don’t really ever say it to myself but I often remind myself of “walking in somebody else’s shoes”! See, I think that we often wear hats to feel a certain way, to fit in or to stand out, to be accepted or valued. There is a continual  energy of “trying” if you spend your life in search of acceptance and public acknowledgement. However, the truth is, that whatever another thinks of us, is just a perception. It is theirs not ours, it is fluid and changeable, it does not have to impact on how we see ourselves. Contributing to a valuable life, means self acceptance and love. The relationship we create within ourselves is as important as the one we have with the world. Your connection to what you read and what you take from it belongs to you. Your desire to assist others can be fulfilled daily, simply and effectively.

I guess what I would really love to see. Is a world that is open to forgiveness and change by walking our talking. By living the values that are true to our nature and honouring our own calling.

If you look for the rough in someone you will find it, if you look for the pain in someone you will find it, if you look for the joy in someone you’ll ignite it! Are you tough on yourself? Do you berate yourself often, do you snigger at yourself, do you expect too much of yourself, are you being unkind to yourself? Do you dislike yourself?

I watch people being angry and I feel deep compassion for them. I don’t know if I can explain it well enough for it to be understood but I’ll try. I know that they are being abusive to another and being unkind and inconsiderate and cruel , but I know that if they have this ability to hurt another in this way, then imagine the life that they live in their own mind. It must be a prison. It must be a very cold and dark place. Maybe they are always looking for the rough in the world and in their relationships, maybe they have a focus that remains on what is not a part of their current experience instead of focussing on what is and then perhaps that focus is pain based not pleasure. I don’t know about that, I guess it would change depending on the person. There are so many things to be grateful for and I cant imagine occupying a mind that lives that way. This understanding fosters a very real compassion in me for the people that do.

I am a witness to emotional abuse, we all are. Everyday, we see someone who is berated or insulted. It can occur on all sorts of levels, by all sorts of means. We watch television, read papers, surf online. We visit stores, sports arenas, government institutions. It seems that there is no end to this behaviour. If we consider the impact of this energy within our own lives we might see a reason to turn the television off, not buy that paper, to be choosy about which stores we visit and what sites we surf. If we pay attention to what impacts our thoughts and the relationship that our thoughts have with our current surroundings we might see an interesting pattern. I believe that the energy of anger is sticky and powerful like superglue. I try to be gentle with my life. To be mindful of the information I hear and read that is mass media related. I am constantly watching as more and more people become bewildered by the global increase in violence, poverty, disease and our seeming lack of compassion for others. Why though should that be a focus? because that will continue with or without my focus and in fact, it will be ever so slightly energised by it.

Our perceptions of the world and our immediate surroundings belong to us. Others might try to influence it but we are the main menu of our destination. We will move toward the direction we are most focussed on. So where are you going?