“It’s not good is it”?

I have a friend I walk with each day, I don’t have enough time to explain the complexities of her personality, lets just say that she gives me 1000 reasons to smile and as many reasons to write. Sometimes, in a week, she will become fixated on a topic (as we all can) recently, her topic has been relationship longevity.  Having a husband of 17 years and two children, she has life experiences to share, many outrageously funny, my stomach muscles usually ache from laughing not walking. She is a woman of strong ethics, eclectic humour and simple wisdom. She talks about her “disability” often, but I am still unsure what her disability is, I guess you could say that she is a 40 year old woman living with a 16 year olds mind and a 90 year olds heart. All she wants to do is care for people and be liked by people. She also has an amazing ability to humiliate, its a humbling experience some days !!!

My friend has a catch phrase, it’s this; …”it’s not good is it?”  I have a giggle with her about this, I have also adopted it in my own home for comic relief for anything we are not keen on. My whole family are on board with my connection to this women, she has a special place in our lives, yet is very unaware of her impact.

Her comments and our discussions on relationships have been interesting and usually end  with…”it’s not good is it.”  We discuss the lack of stick ability, the increase in violence and promiscuity. We don’t ever delve deeply into any of it, but her words are always true and pack a punch with weight that could straighten a few bendy bridges. Within her own relationship, she admits that she speaks carelessly often and recognises why she speaks this way and what harm it does to the relationship, she also knows that continuation of this behaviour will cause eventual separation. I wont get into details because I value her privacy, but to know that she is fully aware of her own actions and the impact that they have on her relationship with her husband and what that means for the future of the marriage, is awesome! It’s not just awesome because she is aware and awake to it, its awesome because she continues to be honest with herself about what she wants in this connection and what that means about the energy that she brings to it. She would never say it like that, but that’s exactly how it is and that’s exactly why they are moving into almost 20 years together. I have not once heard her say anything about her husband changing, she has not told me that she wishes he would not do this or that, or that that he shouldn’t do this or that, she just see’s that things are not good sometimes, then decides what might alter that situation. In every aspect of her own relationship, she focusses on her own self control or her own responsibility , her own energy within the family and how that impacts on the life she is living.

In consideration of our recent discussions around relationships and the impact that she has on me, I felt like sharing. It’s not just about marriage. People can live together a lifetime and be in love and content in a relationship. It’s about the need we all have to be valued and significant. I don’t have a lot of studied knowledge of relationship dynamics, how they work and why, but when I look at people and watch how they are with each other, I can see through what others might overlook. I work in consulting, I deal with people who are struggling emotionally, who love but want for something better. Sadly, the better, is usually about themselves. See, I think as we ache in desperation to have our partner “understand us deeper” or appreciate us more. What we are actually living is personal dissatisfaction of self. Of course, having a close connection to your partner is conducive with a harmonious loving relationship, one where both of you get to be you,  supported to develop in any way you choose individually and blossom into who you want to be. The love connection, seems to weigh on our hearts and the ego connection, plays with our actions and our decisions.  The ego connection being directly related to that desire for significance. Wow, I could share on this topic for hours, based on my own experience and future ideals. I guess what I am really trying to get out, but maybe not so flowingly, is that we all could do with an Amanda in our life, that friend that shares with black & white accuracy. That slices through it all, without trying, that is oblivious to her own wisdom.

I think that people are fascinating, I think we could develop and grow and love and share into something beyond what we experience, if we open up to facing our own self issues at the exact time that we stand pointing fingers toward our most treasured ones . This could be a remarkable change to the current social trend of separation.

 

Raw truth and a motive for response!

I can always rely on the universe to fast track me a whirlwind of challenge at the point of true surrender. At times, it’s as if I have been moving in slow motion through a minefield of psychopathic energy, one relationship after the next. Meditating, breathing, internally debriefing and drawing my way through each event one after the next and (gentle , little twinkly pretty chimes sound) then thwack! It hits me,( the universe) with a king hit, promising me a chance for growth or suffering. In raw truth, I usually choose suffering to begin with and it depends on the situation as to whether I dwell in this pit for a very lengthy and engaging adventure, or strive forward into ball busting, no time-wasting, nothings going to shake me or take me down mode! I want to say something inspiring about the thwack, something that will illuminate people and connect so that they “get it”, that moment just before it hits when you feel like you are moving in harmony with life, synchronistic events supporting your every turn, you smile at yourself inhale and share your delight with anybody who is in earshot. THWACK!!!!!……..”did you say things felt at peace, swimming without resistance, try this one with no floaties.”  Yes,  every time I find myself in full stride with life, something comes at me to pay attention, to not be complacent with the value and fragility of this “Lisa” experience.

I often see it like a movie, a boxing blockbuster, I am in the ring and dancing the good fight when, thwack the referee takes me down bare fisted, both the opponent and referee are standing over me, I see the tweety birds playing ring-a- rosie around their heads and I blink as they jeer and chuckle, “how you doing now champ”? …”feeling good”? …”got it sorted”? … “be water champ, be water”!

At this point, for me in almost every case. Laughing is the only option. I’m not usually laughing at the life altering situation that’s taken me down, I’m laughing at the speed and velocity and absolute clockwork timing of the thwack! It’s impact is precise and unwavering. I’m sure everybody knows it. I am also sure that we need a committee or an organised support system that is universal and miscellaneous in reason. Most importantly we need a gauge! I’m no weather expert, but,  we get to gauge weather , natural disasters are gauged. I believe a thwack gauge is long over due!

Considering we don’t actually have the gauge and nothing is metered in recovery from challenge or appropriate  timeframe for relapse, we choose our own adventure with this one. The way I see it, we move forward based on emotion and our ability to be honest with ourselves. Raw truth is like a freedom ticket, it creates an open energy of flow in life. Being open to it, having the strength and courage to be honest with ourselves and others can be liberating and empowering. It has a healing effect that produces instant relief. The thwack usually shouts at us because the ping didn’t have our attention. We tend to spend our time experiencing our lives, ignoring the pings that the universe deals us. Little messages from the energy of life that we all connect to, to tell us  we need to pay attention. I confess that I hear the pings often, they remind me of being patient or diplomatic, they point out a direct detour from a current situation, they send me a little tap, a tiny little whisper at first, that grows until I do pay attention. Of course the thwack is an ignored ping, it’s the result of no response. Consider it a snowball that has travelled down Everest. When it hits, it will have our attention.

If we look at it from an honest perspective and be courageous enough to ask the tough questions to see through our own charade, we can usually meddle through the emotion and pinpoint the requirements for recovery. If we pay close attention to the pings we might experience cruise mode much more often.  I have seen thwacks in many guises. A mini bus, an emotional breakdown, a partners fist, a serious illness, a roaring flame. If we are not paying attention these things will remind us that we have a reason to respond. A motive if you like, to act and create change. If we work with truth on a daily basis and allow ourselves the freedom to act without fear of judgment or failure we begin to embrace the pings and stride forward in life. Creating a sense of purpose and meaning beyond the wall that ignoring them creates.